Explanation I use in comments on student papers:
A common problem in student writing is the use of verbs (and verb phrases) that are too vague or general to bring the sense of a complex sentence into focus. Common examples are sentences that turn the present participles of the verbs “to have” or “to be”–e.g., “Douglas describes Afternoon as having a network of connections that is sufficiently rich.” Or again, “Douglas describes Afternoon as being a network of connections that is sufficiently rich.” Here, “as having” or “as being” is a very flat, dull, general phrase. The sentence would be much better if rephrased to contain a concrete verb, e.g., “According to Douglas, Afternoon exhibits (or contains, demonstrates, offers, attempts, etc.) a network of connections that is sufficiently rich.”
Here is a similar example: “Brooks looks deep into the contrasting images of a girl being concealed from the world’s view and at the same time being the single most important thing in another person’s life.” Try this instead: ” Brooks looks deep into the contrasting images of a girl who lies hidden from the world’s view and at the same time serves as the center of another person’s life.”
